Have you ever wondered why we first began lusting after diamonds? Blame it on one enterprising archduke, who arguably started the tradition.

One of the first recorded uses of a diamond engagement ring was Archduke Maximilian of Austria’s proposal to Mary of Burgundy with a ring set with thin, flat pieces of diamonds in the shape of an “M.” But we can trace this mark-your-territory wedding trend way, way back, eons before Max and his fair Lady M. Below, how our love affair with the rock slowly evolved.

Pre-History: The caveman tied cords made of braided grass around his chosen mate’s wrists, ankles, and waist, to bring her spirit under his control.

Circa 2800 BC: Egyptians are buried wearing rings made of a single silver or gold wire on the third finger of their left hands, believed to be connected directly to the heart by the vena amoris.

2nd Century BC: According to Pliny the Elder, the groom gives the bride first a gold ring to wear during the ceremony and at special events, then an iron ring to wear at home, signifying her binding legal agreement to his ownership of her.

1st Century BC: Puzzle rings first appear in Asia, where sultans and sheiks use them to tag each of their wives.

1217: The bishop of Salisbury puts an end to the popular practice of seducing girls into mock marriage with rings made of rushes. His solution? Declaring a marriage with a rush-ring legally binding.

1456: The Gutenberg bible is published. There is no mention of betrothal or marriage rings in this or any other edition of the bible.

1477: In one of the first recorded uses of a diamond engagement ring, Archduke Maximilian of Austria proposes to Mary of Burgundy with a ring that is set with thin, flat pieces of diamonds in the shape of an “M.”

1700s: Silver “poesy rings” engraved with flowery sayings are in vogue in Europe. Across the Atlantic Ocean, the Puritans give their betrotheds useful thimbles instead of rings, which are derided as frippery. Eventually, however, many thimbles get their tops sliced off and are worn as rings anyway.

1800s: The highly sentimental Victorians make jewelry from human hair, and use gemstones to spell out names or endearments, such as a D-E-A-R-E-S-T ring set with a sequence of diamond, emerald, amethyst, ruby, emerald, etc.

1867: Diamonds are discovered in the Cape Colony (now a province in South Africa), the beginning of a huge increase in the diamond supply.

1880: Cecil Rhodes, who arrived in South Africa in 1873, founds the DeBeers Mining Company with other investors. Within the decade, they will control 90 percent of the world’s diamond production.

You never mean: Could care less

You always mean: Couldn’t care less

Why: You want to say you care so little already that you couldn’t possibly care any less. When the Boston Celtics’ Ray Allen said, “God could care less whether I can shoot a jump shot,” we know he meant exactly the opposite because 1) God has other things on his mind, and 2) God is a Knicks fan.

You might say: Mano a mano

You might mean: Man-to-man

Why: You don’t speak Spanish by adding vowels to the end of English words, as a columnist describing father–teenage son relationships seemed to think when he wrote, “Don’t expect long, mano a mano talks.” Mano a mano (literally, “hand to hand”) originated with bullfighting and usually refers to a knock-down, drag-out direct confrontation.

You might say: Less

You might mean: Fewer

Why: In general, use fewer when you’re specifying a number of countable things (“200 words or fewer”); reserve less for a mass (“less than half”). So when you’re composing a tweet, do it in 140 characters or fewer, not less.

You never mean: Hone in

You always mean: Home in

Why: Like homing pigeons, we can be single-minded about finding our way to a point: “Scientists are homing in on the causes of cancer.” Hone means “to sharpen”: “The rookie spent the last three seasons honing his skills in the minor leagues.” But it’s easy to mishear m’s and n’s, which is probably what happened to the Virginia senator who said, “We’ve got to hone in on cost containment.” If you’re unsure, say “zero in” instead.

You might say: Bring

You might mean: Take

Why: The choice depends on your point of view. Use bring when you want to show motion toward you (“Bring the dog treats over here, please”). Use take to show motion in the opposite direction (“I have to take Rufus to the vet”). The rule gets confusing when the movement has nothing to do with you. In those cases, you can use either verb, depending on the context: “The assistant brought the shot to the vet” (the vet’s point of view); “the assistant took the shot to the doctor” (the assistant’s).

You might say: Who

You might mean: Whom

Why: It all depends. Do you need a subject or an object? A subject (who) is the actor of the sentence: “Who left the roller skates on the sidewalk?” An object (whom) is the acted-upon: “Whom are you calling?” Parents, hit the Mute button when Dora the Explorer shouts, “Who do we ask for help when we don’t know which way to go?”

You almost never mean: Brother-in-laws, runner-ups, hole in ones, etc.

You almost always mean: Brothers-in-law, runners-up, holes in one, etc.

Why: Plurals of these compound nouns are formed by adding an s to the thing there’s more than one of (brothers, not laws). Some exceptions: words ending in ful (mouthfuls) and phrases like cul-de-sacs.

You almost never mean: Try and

You almost always mean: Try to

Why: Try and try again, yes, but if you’re planning to do something, use the infinitive form: “I’m going to try to run a marathon.” Commenting on an online story about breakups, one woman wrote, “A guy I dated used to try and impress me with the choice of books he was reading.” It’s no surprise that the relationship didn’t last.

You almost never mean: Different than

You almost always mean: Different from

Why: This isn’t the biggest offense, but if you can easily substitute from for than (My mother’s tomato sauce is different from my mother-in-law’s), do it. Use than for comparisons: My mother’s tomato sauce is better than my mother-in-law’s.

You almost never mean: Beg the question

You almost always mean: Raise the question

Why: Correctly used, “begging the question” is like making a circular argument (I don’t like you because you’re so unlikable). But unless you’re a philosophy professor, you shouldn’t ever need this phrase. Stick to “raise the question.”

You might say: More than

You can also say: Over

Why: The two are interchangeable when the sense is “Over 6,000 hats were sold.” We like grammarian Bryan Garner’s take on it: “The charge that over is inferior to more than is a baseless crotchet.”

You almost never mean: Supposably

You almost always mean: Supposedly

Why: Supposably is, in fact, a word—it means “conceivably”—but not the one you want if you’re trying to say “it’s assumed,” and certainly not the one you want if you’re on a first date with an English major or a job interview with an English speaker.

You might say: All of

You probably mean: All

Why: Drop the of whenever you can, as Julia Roberts recently did, correctly: “Every little moment is amazing if you let yourself access it. I learn that all the time from my kids.” But you need all of before a pronoun (“all of them”) and before a possessive noun (“all of Julia’s kids”).

We live in an age of intricate technologies, 24/7 entertainment and sensory overload—so why is it so tough to think up creative dates? Of course, early in a relationship, you’re so smitten that even dinner at Denny’s seems exciting. But when you’ve done the ho-hum and the humdrum—dinner, a movie, bowling—you crave new ideas to keep things interesting. Here are ten ideas for great—and mostly cheap—dates that will not only entertain but allow you to get to know your mate in a whole new way.

1. Stargaze.

Few activities are as romantic as gazing up at the stars together, and you can plan this date for most any night, no matter where you live. If you have access to an observatory (many college campuses have them, so check around), head over to check out the facilities. But even if you don’t have a nearby observatory, you can still enjoy the stars. Grab a pair of binoculars (or just gaze sans equipment) and a map of the sky—and sit in the backyard with some light refreshments, pointing out the constellations.

2. Host a tasting.

Develop sophisticated tasting palates by practicing at home with a variety of wines, beers or even vodkas. Buy a selection and pour 2-ounce samples of each (less for hard liquor, obviously), then examine them on a variety of levels: clarity, texture, flavors, etc. Rate them on a scale of 1 to 10, according to your enjoyment. (Helpful hint: When sampling, progress from lightest to heaviest—i.e., drink the white zin before the merlot, or the pilsner before the porter.) Not into alcohol? You can do it with coffee, chocolate or olive oils.

3. Take a ride.

Nothing gets the blood pumping and the endorphins flowing like an encounter with the unpredictable (and no, we’re not talking his mother). Check in your area for the opportunity to ride—horses, a hot air balloon, four-wheelers, motorcycles, or the bumper cars at a carnival. You may even end up at the local car dealership to test drive a car you have no intention of buying! The point is to go on an adventure together and do something that might be a little dangerous, scary or silly, something you wouldn’t dream of doing on your own.

4. Whip something up.

Okay, so maybe the closest you usually get to the kitchen is watching the Food Network. But when you team up with a partner, cooking can be fun (and if the meal is disastrous, both parties get equal blame). Take a cooking class together to learn how to prepare a few dishes, and set up a second date to try them yourselves at home. No classes nearby? Collect a couple of recipes online or from a cookbook at the library, and prepare them together (grocery shopping included). You’ll learn teamwork and, hopefully, eat a fantastic meal in the end.

5. Gamble a day away.

Visit a nearby racetrack to watch the ponies run. For a few dollars, you’ll gain all-day admission to the races, and you can bet on each race for as little as a buck. If you’re not the gambling type, instead watch the horses in the stables as they’re prepped for a race, grab lunch at the racetrack’s restaurant that overlooks the action, or make friendly wagers between yourselves without betting any money (i.e., If No. 2 wins, I get a full-body massage later—with those stakes, no one loses!).

6. Pick your own.

Most seasons of the year allow for pick-your-own opportunities at local farms and orchards: In summer, select juicy peaches; in fall, peruse a pumpkin patch or apple orchard; during winter, check out a Christmas tree farm. Find a place in your area where you can pick your own fruits or vegetables and head out in casual clothes for laid-back fun. Or try the “civilized” version: Visit a local farmers market to select locally grown fruits and veggies at the peak of ripeness. Make a dish with the ingredients that night, and you’ve fashioned a full day of entertainment.

7. Get crafty.

Organize a craft night on the cheap: Collect old, about-to-be-thrown-away magazines or children’s books at the library (you can often buy them for a dime or a quarter apiece); scissors and some glue; and large sheets of firm paper or cardboard, and use the materials to make collages. Or, if you’re more artistically inclined, break out the paints and brushes, pastels or colored pencils. Feeling spicier? Make them R-rated. With some basic supplies (check your local dollar store for deals), you can be creative and have fun while getting a little messy together.

8. Go treasure hunting.

Go on a “junk hunt”: Set aside a Saturday or Sunday to scan local antique stores, flea markets, thrift stores and/or garage sales, looking for the “trash” that can turn into your treasure. Where else can you find a 1980s-era portable phone, a never-used Ginsu knife and a Nelson CD in one place? You’ll probably score some great deals, laugh a lot at outdated appliances and fashions, and learn plenty about your partner’s tastes. Feel like a challenge? Make a deal to buy each other the goofiest present you can find for $3 or less. After shopping, exchange gifts and brainstorm to find a way to put what you’ve bought to good use.

9. Indulge in a spa day.

Spas are excellent sources of renewal, relaxation and togetherness—and no one has to say a word! Book a couples massage at a local salon or spa, or try side-by-side manicure/pedicure treatments. If you lack the bucks for the professional touch, set up a spa day at home: Pick up a sexy-smelling lotion or oil and read up on basic massage techniques to give each other almost-expert full-body massages by candlelight.

10. Act like teenagers

When all else fails, go back to the basics (we’re talking way back): Think of your favorite Friday night activity as a teenager and recreate it (the truly daring can dress the part). Or: go roller skating or ice skating and hold hands during the cheesy love songs; hang out cruising the mall; visit an amusement park; sit on Santa’s lap. When you’ve tried the typical, the exotic and the downright inane, getting a hit of nostalgia will provide a welcome chance to relax, laugh, be yourselves and enjoy each other’s company—and isn’t that what dating is all about?

If Hollywood is to be believed, dating is a grandiose practice replete with lavish meals, fine wines, and front-row seats to the Broadway show (or opera or concert or art opening) of the season. For those of us who don’t make millions, though, such refined romance is just that: the stuff of movies.

Living on a budget doesn’t mean you have to sacrifice romance—just change how you envisage it. All that stuff Richard Gere and Julia Roberts do is quite nice, of course; but romance, which is simply the passionate affection that lovers feel for each other, can grow over steak au poivre in a fancy French bistro or a strawberries and sandwiches picnic in the park. What matters is not the money behind a rendezvous but the authentic desire to treat your special someone to something, well, special.

But we also recognize that you probably don’t have time to reconceptualize the world around you and uncover romance where you least expect it. Luckily, YourTango exists for just that purpose. We’ve come up with dozens of one-off ideas that will foster romance with your special someone—without burning a hole in your pocket.

Find the Freebies. You can mimic that Hollywood-style date—for free—if you just know where to look. Check out your local arts weekly, for example. Parks often feature free music and theater series during the summer. You and your man can sway together to the sounds of a soul singer at a sunset concert in the park, or snuggle as you watch the repertoire theater’s Saturday afternoon performance of A Streetcar Named Desire. Museums and galleries, too, host monthly open houses, which frequently include romance-inducing glasses of wine and high-end hors devours. And by getting dressed up to attend cultural events, you’ll make the night feel special and distinctive, a million-dollar evening (and you’re the only one who has to know it was free).

Aside from actual organized activities, many everyday events are free or low-cost and highly romantic—you just may never have thought of them that way. Coastal cities often have commuter ferries that, when reinterpreted, make for fresh and novel dates. Catch one—it doesn’t matter where it goes—and watch the city fade into the distance, as the boat’s wake bubbles behind you and seagulls fly above. What’s more romantic than an afternoon at sea?

Views are free, too. Take your man, a large pizza, and a bottle of wine to a place where you can see the skyline, valley, plains, mountains or whatever is most beautiful in your area. Gazing at the vastness of the world around you will create an intimate and unique atmosphere that is just right for romance.

A Special Place for a Special Person. Anywhere can be romantic when imbued with the right meaning. Show your special someone a spot significant to you: the dock where you had your first kiss, the quiet garden you go when you need to think, the hole-in-the-wall Italian restaurant whose family of owners always make you feel at home. It doesn’t have to be fancy, the place you choose—just special to you. We guarantee it’ll feel special to your special person, too.

Get More Bang for your Buck. Pulling off romance on a budget is just like living daily life on a budget: it’s all about value. Which just means thinking a little outside the box. So do some research and find the places where you’ll feel like you’re splurging (but know you’re not paying for it). For example, some Chinese restaurants serve wine gratis with dinner, which makes your date feel lavish, at no extra cost. Other eateries have two-for-one drink specials until a certain hour, or are known to offer heaping portions meant to be shared.

Want to give your date front-row tickets to a baseball game? Try the minor league equivalent of your local team: in New York, for less than half the price of mediocre Mets tickets, you can sit up front at a Coney Island Cyclones game, watching rising stars slam home runs and sipping beers that won’t cost you an arm and a leg.

Likewise, up-and-coming opera companies can give fabulous performances of famous works for a tenth of what New York’s Met would charge you—check the local paper to see what fringe players are wowing critics.

Take a Staycation. Even if you’ve lived there your whole life, your town or city probably still has a lot to offer. Exploring new frontiers with someone fosters a sense of excitement and togetherness, and can make your date feel like a vacation (minus that pesky plane ticket). Ride the bus to an outlying neighborhood you’ve never visited, and have lunch in a cute restaurant. When was the last time you visited the local zoo? Have you ever actually gone up to the top of the Empire State building? Venture out to that old-fashioned pizzeria in the countryside that everyone swears has the best pies this side of Rome.

Just Be Together. Your house is the most exclusive club/restaurant/museum in town—so stay in and enjoy its fashionable quietude. Stock up on fresh ingredients at the farmer’s market and cook dinner together. Stay in on Saturday night and play board games over a bottle of red wine. Snuggle up and read aloud to each other. Put on your favorite record and ask your date to dance…in the living room. Keeping your festivities at home is novel, intimate, and, just coincidentally, way more affordable than taking them on the town.

Essentials for a Healthy Sex Life

 
Some people vouch for the effect of foods on their sex drive, but extravagant claims for aphrodisiacs are not borne out by scientific studies. While sexual function may be our physical response to a cascade of hormones, sexual drive is basically maintained by an active mind in a healthy body.  

• A healthy sex life depends on good nutrition. Good nerve function, healthy hormone levels, and an unobstructed blood flow to the pelvic area are essential to sexual performance. To keep these systems in working order, a diet should be based on legumes, grain products, and other complex carbohydrates, with plenty of fruits and vegetables and modest levels of protein; this diet provides plenty of vitamins and minerals. Particularly important are citrus fruits for vitamin C to strengthen blood vessel walls, and low-fat dairy products, enriched or fortified cereals, whole grains, and green vegetables for riboflavin to maintain the mucous membranes that line the female reproductive tract.

• Vitamin E and sexual function. Although there are no confirming clinical studies, many experts believe that without a good supply of this vitamin from oils, margarine, nuts, seeds, green vegetables, and wheat germ, sexual function is likely to suffer.

• Get going. Fatigue and depression are common culprits in sexual complaints. These conditions are often linked, and both may be helped by a program of regular exercise, which stimulates the production of endorphins (mood-elevating brain chemicals). In some cases, iron-deficiency anemia may be responsible for fatigue. A diet that includes meat, fish and shellfish, nuts and seeds, legumes, enriched or fortified grains and cereals, leafy greens, and dried fruits helps to replenish iron stores.

• Get zealous over zinc. It is known that zinc is tied to sexual function, although its importance to the sex drive has yet to be explained. Without enough zinc, sexual development in children is delayed, and men, too, need zinc to make sperm. Zinc is found abundantly in foods of animal origin, including seafood (especially oysters), meat, poultry and liver, as well as eggs, milk, beans, nuts, and whole grains.

• Curb alcohol, knock-out nicotine. Alcohol's effect on sexual function was neatly stated by William Shakespeare, who noted that wine 'provokes the desire, but takes away the performance.' Excessive alcohol lifts behavioral inhibitions, but this liberating effect may be canceled out by its depressant effect. Alcohol also has an action similar to the female hormone estrogen. This can have a devastating effect on masculinity, causing impotence and shrinking of the testes in men who drink heavily. Nicotine, on the other hand, is an enemy of the arteries. Nicotine not only promotes the formation of atherosclerotic plaque in the penile blood vessels but also constricts them.

• Minimize saturated fats. People readily accept the link between a high intake of saturated fats, elevated blood cholesterol levels, and a buildup of atherosclerotic fatty plaques on the blood vessels around the heart. It's less well understood, however, that similar plaques develop on the myriad tiny vessels in the penis. Without free-flowing circulation, the penis cannot physically respond to messages from the sex drive.

Our pets wreak havoc, and we love them still. Do we tolerate our spouses in the same way? We ought to. “Most pets are loved in a way that makes us minimize … their demands.” Any animal behaviorist will tell us that when we shower our pets with positivity, we get back unconditional love. Want a more loving marriage? Learn from your pet.

Lighten up...

“Whatever your mood, you will likely give your pet an animated hello and a display of affection” when you walk in the door. Your spouse should get the same.

Don’t assume bad intentions...

The dog ate some of the mail. Then your husband hid the mail to keep it away from the dog. Now the mail can’t be found. You know the dog wasn’t trying to torture you by eating it. “While you may react to the dog’s deed with a choice expletive, you’ll probably choose cuddling later over holding a grudge.” Reality check: Your spouse wasn’t trying to torture you either.

Rise above...

“Few owners fear their image will be tarnished by their pets’ behavior.” So when your husband starts in with the corny jokes at a dinner out with friends, why not just smile and scratch his head?

“The excitement of getting married gives couples a hit of dopamine — a feel-good brain chemical that increases sex drive. For a few months after marriage, things may stay hot,” and “and while you still love each other and feel passionate about each other, the dopamine does settle down. You’re back to real life. Your normal sex-drive set point kicks back in. Your expectations about married sex take over. It’s the perfect time to do the delicious work of deepening your sexual bond.” 

The challenge for couples is balancing a sense of intimacy and safety and security with a sense of unpredictability and creativity and eroticism. When sexual intimacy is strong, making love plays a healthy 15 to 20 percent role in energizing your marriage. The paradox is that when sex is problematic, it plays an inordinately powerful, negative role in new marriages.

Understanding the real sexual issues that newlyweds face can help you keep sex fun and fulfilling — now and for the rest of your lives. Experts say these hidden concerns can cool the hottest love life in the early days of marriage:

Mismatched sex drives. When your sex drive returns to its normal level in the months after you get married, couples start to notice a frustrating desire discrepancy. It’s perfectly normal. You’ve just got to work it out.”

Testosterone, the hormone of desire, fuels sex drive in men and women. But, relatively low levels of natural testosterone mean that two-thirds of all women don’t walk around thinking about sex all the time. For these women — and I’m one of them — you don’t feel like having sex until you’re already having it. That’s perfectly normal. It just means you have to approach sex a little differently. You have to make time for touching, time for sex. You can’t rely on being aroused to get things started. You have to start with relaxed touching and kissing to raise your arousal level.

Clashing sex-pectations. On the last night of a romantic two-week honeymoon, Priscilla and Greg Hunt bumped up against a radical difference in expectations and desire. “We had been making love three times a day on our honeymoon,” Priscilla recalls. “It was wonderful, but we were about to go back to real life. To work and school and doing the dishes and responsibilities. I had to say, it’s time to talk about moderation.” Says Greg, “Sexuality was a real issue. We were both learning about it in our college courses, but experiencing it firsthand was strikingly different. My testosterone levels were extremely high. We were not evenly matched for libido. We had to work hard to communicate. Sexuality is a very sensitive issue — you have all sorts of feelings and insecurities wrapped up in it.”

Their solution? A fluid, flexible compromise: “There were times he wanted sex when we didn’t have it and times I didn’t want sex but we did. Thankfully, there were more times when we both wanted to make love. There’s been a natural ebb and flow. It’s something we still have to talk about,” Priscilla says. “This is the reality for every couple: You’re wired differently. If you have enough sexual experiences together that are positive for both of you, you’ll be able to work out the differences.”

This is an issue for many couples who’ve enjoyed a lusty sexual intimacy before marriage and/or during the honeymoon but who settle into different rhythms during day-to-day married life. The solution? Talk it out so that you don’t feel rejected, frustrated, or bored.

First Base, Revisited
Don’t wait for all that sexy dopamine to wear off. Using the heat, passion, and “let’s jump back into bed now” sexual urgency of your first months together to explore and expand your repertoire of touch. “The first two years of marriage are critical for building a sexual style that includes shared pleasure and deeper intimacy. Aim for that. Otherwise, sex problems can become the focus of your relationship.

The sexual prescription? First, go back to first, second, and third base — touching for physical pleasure, not necessarily orgasm or intercourse. And get past old-fashioned man/woman sex roles that stand in the way of an emotionally close and erotic sex life. “Men are often socialized to value performance more than intimacy or pleasuring. “Women are taught to value relating and to see eroticism as the realm of wild, crazy women — not wives.

“Not all pleasurable touching can or should lead to intercourse,” he notes. “When a couple becomes comfortable touching inside and outside the bedroom, they’re building a closer, more solid sensual and sexual bond that will make them feel happier, closer, and even sexier now — and help protect against sexual problems in the future.”

Emphasize pleasure, not just the big O. “Exploration and touch without the expectation of intercourse or orgasm helps couples get to know each others bodies and needs — you learn what kinds of touch are pleasurable as a giver and as a recipient. Pleasure and affection keep you close even when you don’t want sex.

Nurture emotional intimacy too. Feeling understood, supported, and valued will make you both feel closer and therefore more receptive to physical closeness.

Plan ahead. Sex-drive discrepancy? Busy schedule? Put s-e-x on the calendar. It’s a fact of life: Most of us married someone who wants sex more often or less often than we do. If you wait to feel turned on before you have sex, you’ll miss out on lots of great moments together. Let touching turn you on rather than expecting to feel aroused first. This may seem totally unnecessary during the hot-and-heavy exchanges of the Passion stage, but experts say it’s the best way to ensure you’ll still be enjoying great sex when your life is complicated by kids, a house, stress, reduced sex drive, and times of conflict.

Low sex drive? Consider saying yes anyway. If you make time for love and romance and try to say yes when your partner wants to make love — provided you’re not dealing with a compulsive or sex-addicted spouse — you will have a better sex life. Let your partner’s drive get you both into bed, or wherever you’ll make love, so that you can be touched and turned on. Why get into the habit of not doing it?”

Think of life as foreplay. I found out early on that relational issues that seem to have nothing to do with the act of sex itself make a huge difference to my wife and to her interest in intimacy. “I learned to pay attention to things I wasn’t naturally good at. If I’m ignoring her and also not paying attention to things like chores around the house, she’s not going to feel cozy and intimate at bedtime.”

Don’t use sex as a bargaining chip. Angry? Say something — don’t grunt or “hmph” and roll over. Withholding lovemaking when you’re upset turns this deep, vulnerable connection into a nuclear weapon for power struggles. Adding layers of resentment to your feelings about physical intimacy is a surefire way to make sure neither of you will be in the mood.

Have realistic expectations. And in particular, dial back on multi-orgasmic, transcendental expectations. Even for the most happily married couples, more than 10 percent of sexual encounters aren’t even pleasurable for one or both spouses. An off night — maybe the sex is hurried, you’re tired or distracted, or simply uncomfortable — doesn’t mean you’ve got a big problem. It’s life. Don’t expect perfect sex every time — or wait for the perfect moment to pounce on your mate. Just connect!

Make it eye-to-eye, soul-to-soul. You’ll feel more vulnerable — but couples report they also feel sexier, more attractive, more in-the-moment, and closer when they look into each other’s eyes during sex.

Never underestimate the power of a quickie. You won’t always have all the time in the world for making love — and maybe you don’t already. Don’t overlook fast sex. It keeps the two of you in the intimacy loop, so you don’t jeopardize the compassion, happiness, romance, and understanding that sexual closeness can bring.

Many of the quaint rituals of dating in the 1950′s show common courtesy that is lacking today. Would you like to see any of these rules brought back?

Dating Etiquette for Girls

• Only floozies ask guys out.
• When someone asks you out, it’s polite to give an immediate answer.
• Never break a date without providing a valid reason.
• There’s no such thing as fashionably late; be ready when your date arrives.
• It’s only proper to introduce your date to your parents.
• Don’t apply makeup in public (please see first point).
• At a restaurant, it’s ladylike to tell a date what you want for dinner, so he can order for you.
• Don’t humiliate guys by trying to pay for a date.

Dating Etiquette for Guys

• Dates aren’t like cramming for exams; don’t wait until the last minute to ask a girl out.
• It’s poor form to honk the car horn to announce your arrival; call for her at the door.
• Ask her parents when they want her home — and make sure your watch works.
• It’s only polite to help her don her coat.
• Real gentlemen open car doors for girls — or any door, for that matter.
• It’s chivalrous to walk between her and the curb.
• Bring enough money along.
• No kissing on the first date.
• On prom night, don’t leave the corsage in the fridge.

Cheating can unleash devastating consequences on a couple and is off-cited as the ultimate deal breaker, beating out both emotional unavailability and physical abuse. Yet over half of married couples decide to weather the damage together rather than split up. Unfortunately, the healing process doesn’t happen overnight, and even the most committed couples can get waylaid by hurt feelings, paralyzing guilt, and resentment.

1. Honesty First

In the wake of discovering infidelity, Spring asks the wronged party to detail their grievances to their partner by articulating an unsparing and emotionally raw declaration. “It is vital that the hurt person feels heard,” Spring emphasizes. “It’s easy to feel crazy with grief, and they need to understand that they have a language to talk about their pain.”

2. Bearing Witness

Just as importantly, the adulterous partner must be prepared to face the heartache that their infidelity has wrought. Many unfaithful individuals feel paralyzed with guilt; they see the affair as irreparable damage, and mistakenly urge their partners to put the pain behind them rather than take time to grieve. Spring insists that the offender “bear witness” to the pain they’ve caused rather than defend or deflect the impact, and pinpoints this willingness to take responsibility as vital to the rebuilding of trust

3. A Written Apology

After the adulterer has listened openly and understandingly to their partner’s declaration, Spring suggests that the cheater paraphrase the account in their own words. Spring then suggests that they write out a detailed, specific letter to prove they understand the sorrow they’ve caused. And a miserly “I’m sorry” won’t cut it. “‘I’m sorry’ goes about a quarter-inch deep,” Spring says. “Verbal reassurances, promising you won’t do it again, that means nothing after cheating. They have to prove they’ve heard and understood their partner on the deepest level, and that means citing very specific examples of how they’ve hurt them and then taking actions to prove they will not do so in the future.”

4. Avoid Cheap Forgiveness

Sometimes the desire to salvage the relationship (and on the flip side, the fear of losing a partner) overwhelms the necessity to vent anger, and wronged partners forgive before they’ve had a chance to seethe. Spring calls this “cheap forgiveness,” and finds this behavior in spades among people who are more afraid of being alone than staying with an unfaithful partner. Not only do cheap forgivers swindle themselves out of a healthy grieving process, they set themselves up for future infidelities by not forcing their partners to understand their pain.

5. Sharing Responsibility

Even in relationships where only one person has strayed, oftentimes both members bear the blame for an affair. Spring acknowledges that the unfaithful person must own up to 100% of their guilt (because “no one forces you to cheat”) but the wronged party must also acknowledge their own role in fostering an unhappy union, however minuscule. The hurt person must see how they had a hand in facilitating the loneliness or isolation that compelled their companion to have an affair and take steps to ensure greater emotional intimacy in the future.

6. Setting Rules

“There are specific ways to earn and grant trust in order to allow the relationship to recover,” Spring advises. She suggests that the couple establish ironclad, non-negotiable rules at the beginning of the healing process. “The wronged person can request that their partner always answer the cell phone, even if they can’t have a conversation. If someone had an online relationship, the hurt person can demand that every time they walk in the room and their partner is on the computer, they can look over their shoulder and see what they’re doing.” Though these measures sound a bit like a schoolteacher with a ruler, Spring insists that this power imbalance eases the insecurity and mistrust that the hurt party feels, while also proving the offender’s willingness to concede certain rights to privacy while their companion regains confidence in the relationship.

7. Redefine Sexual Intimacy

One of the greatest hurdles in the healing process lies between the sheets. “Often, a couple feels like the other person is sitting in between them, like a ghost, and that conception strains sex,” Spring says. The phantom interloper can have dire consequences: the unfaithful person often feels pressured to please in bed, leading to distraction and low performance, which the hurt party, already injured and insecure, interprets as a lack of interest and physical attraction. “It’s not about hanging from the chandeliers to regain passion,” Spring warns. “It takes time to rebuild physical intimacy after one partner has slept with another person.” Spring suggests that couples fostering sexual intimacy by creating an ongoing dialogue of fears and desires that eventually leads to physical vulnerability.

8. Ignore the Aphorisms

Though conventional wisdom has posited the phrase, “once a cheater, always a cheater,” Spring balks at this advice. “That’s a very dangerous assumption. So many adulterous people have come to me because they’re ambivalent about what they’ve done, or because they want to know how to stop. Yes, there are people who will cheat again and again. But there are people who cheat once and never, ever do it again. They learn their lesson.” Nevertheless, Spring warns against telltale red flags among adulterers. “If they’re not willing to listen to their partner talk about the pain they’ve caused, it’s probably not worth the effort of rebuilding trust.”

9. Reality Check

In the aftermath of cheating, it’s easy to feel as if your relationship is uniquely dysfunctional, yet the majority of long-term couples undergo at least one instance of infidelity. The stigma surrounding adultery keeps the issue on the DL, but take heart: many couples emerge from an affair feeling closer and more honest than before. Most relationships could benefit from some degree of trust-building and emotional closure, regardless of what spurs the development.

10. Letting Go

Remember the rigid stipulations that Spring suggested in Step #5? Those only work if the wronged person gradually loosens the tight leash as their pain fades and trust grows over time. The onus rests on both parties to prove they are willing to put renewed energy in their relationship, which requires taking risks in a partnership that was formerly fraught and alienating.

Your mom probably never told you this, but it’s true: Sex is good for you! (Tell that to your spouse tonight.) Plenty of studies show it: Regular sex increases immunity from viruses, relieves stress, and even helps protect the health of a man’s prostate gland by emptying fluids held there. It also triggers the release of chemicals that improve mood and ease pain.

Your doctor probably never told you this, but it’s also true: Most people can and should have sex well into old age! While menopause in women does affect sexual drive and function somewhat, there is no reason healthy men or women can’t experience sexual pleasure at any stage in life. Sure, the nature and intensity of the sex may change, but the love and pleasure don’t!

If your sex drive has stalled out, you have good reasons to rev it back up again. You don’t need jumper cables or even little blue pills. Just try a couple of these tips and we guarantee your engine will be turning over again in no time.

1. Have sex tonight! Having intercourse regularly helps to keep your sex drive in high gear by increasing the production of testosterone, which is the hormone mainly responsible for libido in both men and women.

2. Men: If you smoke, ask your doctor to prescribe you the nicotine patch. Why? Because it’s scientifically proven that smoking can clog the blood vessels in the penis in the same way it clogs the arteries in your heart. Ever heard a better reason to quit?

3. Go write a list of all the medicine you’re taking, then check for party poopers. More than 200 medications can cause erection problems and diminished sex drive, including drugs used to treat high blood pressure, heart disease, depression, and stomach problems. Check the Internet or ask your pharmacist or doctor if any of the drugs on your list could be culprits. Of course, you can’t stop taking a drug you need, but you can talk to your doctor about possibly changing the brand, dose, or timing of your medication.

4. Spend tonight planning a steamy vacation. Even if you don’t go, spending time together picturing where you’d go, looking at photos on the Web, and imagining yourself in some tropical paradise will be enough of a libido booster to get you to bed — early. Plus, it’s a lot more stimulating to talk about than why your teenager is failing geometry.


5. Women: Practice Kegel exercises. You know what Kegels are — they’re the squeezing exercises your doctor told you to do after pregnancy or because you were having a bit of a problem with leaking urine. What Doc probably didn’t tell you is that they’re also great for strengthening the pubococcygeus muscle, essential for orgasm. To do Kegels, take note of the muscle you use to stop urinary flow, then practice contracting that muscle, gradually releasing it. Work up to 20 contractions three times a day.

6. Men: Start taking supplements of ginkgo biloba every day. The herb promotes better blood flow, getting more blood to the brain and…other organs. It doesn’t take much imagination to figure out how that might help you! Follow the instructions on the bottle, but check with your doctor first.


7. Make pesto and serve it over pasta tonight. Pesto contains pine nuts, great sources of arginine, the precursor for nitric oxide, a main ingredient in drugs like Viagra. Arginine helps open blood vessels so blood flow improves.

8. Go to the movies with your partner, sit in the back row, and neck like you used to when you were a teenager. You’ll be combining the forbidden with the frustrating — a sure bet to get your juices flowing.

9. Every time you pass your partner, reach out and touch or kiss him or her. Don’t allow these moments to go beyond the kiss or hug. Simply increasing the amount of physical contact you have with your partner will help with desire.


10. Sprinkle 1 tablespoon wheat germ on every cup of yogurt and every bowl of cereal you eat. Wheat germ’s rich in zinc, which is important to the production of that all-important hormone, testosterone. You can also get your fill of zinc in beef, eggs, and seafood — especially oysters!

11. When you’re at a party or out in public with your partner, take a moment to stare at him/her across the room as if you were still wooing one another. Sex falls out of a relationship when you take one another’s presence for granted. So don’t!

12. Rent an erotic video and watch it with your partner. Use the time to talk about what you like and don’t like during sex (and before and after).


13. Read a sexy “bodice ripper” out loud to your partner. Play-act the parts of the ravishing heroine and her handsome, yet dangerous lover.


14. Open your eyes when you kiss and when you are, um, intimate. Looking into your partner’s eyes during such times sends an incredible message of trust and honesty.

15. Say exactly what’s on your mind — sexually, that is. If you’re watching your husband pull out the tree stump in the backyard and you get a certain weakness in your legs watching the sweat roll off his back, tell him. If the sight of your wife comforting your teenage son after his first-ever girlfriend dumped him makes you glad all over again that you married her, tell her. Simply expressing how everyday things make you feel deepens your intimacy when said out loud.

16. Pretend you’ve just met. Remember that weak-in-the-knees, shivers-up-your-back feeling you used to get when you first met? You can have that again. Call her and ask her out on a date. Dress up for lunch with him. Buy new underwear.

17. Create your own intimate rituals. No, we’re not talking about sex. But what about waking him up with a steaming cup of coffee instead of the alarm every morning? What about having a hot bath ready for her in the evening? How about a special dinner out every Tuesday — when most couples are zoned out in front of the TV? Or massaging her feet while you watch a DVD with a big bowl of popcorn? The key is consistency. These are not things you do just once, but over and over again until they become like a secret language between the two of you.

18. Get a massage. Or a pedicure, or a facial, or whatever makes you feel better about yourself. If you take care of your own body, you’re much more likely to be able to enjoy it. Another good way to take care of yourself is exercise. A side benefit for both men and women: better blood flow to crucial organs.

19. Turn the timer on for 15 minutes and talk to him (or her) about anything other than kids, money problems, or work annoyances. Tell him about the dream you had last night. The cute teenager you saw at the diner who reminded you of yourself when you were in high school. The great presentation you made today and how it made you feel. When the timer goes off, it’s your partner’s turn.


20. Go away for a couple of days — by yourself. While you’re away, make a list of all the things you love and like about your partner. Close your eyes and picture yourself making love. Call him/her and have an erotic phone conversation. By the time you get home, you’ll be so greedy for each other that the front hall will look like a king-size mattress.


21. Send the kids away and stay home together. Make love in a different part of the house. It can be as steamy as in your bathtub or as romantic as on a blanket in front of your fireplace.

22. Before you go to bed, take a few minutes to write out a to-do list and a list of your worries. This gets rid of the worries that can often interfere with your ability to relax and become aroused.

23. Spend an hour with your partner touching every part of his/her body — but you can’t use your hands. Use other parts of your body (including your imagination) instead. Conversely, caress one another only with your hands touching every part of the body except the genital zones. This can remove any pressure you might feel to “get right to it” after a hectic day on the job and is a wonderful way, at least for the woman, to relax and escape from the daily grind and transition from her other (oh-so-non-sexual) roles.

24. Open up a dozen oysters. After all, Casanova is said to have had 50 oysters every morning off the breast of a young woman in the bathtub — so they have to be good for something. Actually, as you read a few tips ago, oysters are loaded with zinc, critical for production of testosterone, the sex hormone in both men and women.

25. Stop at one (or two) drinks at the most. A small amount of alcohol can set the mood; more can drown the flame of desire, or lessen your ability to see your desire through.

26. Go purchase at least one item of sexy lingerie. Okay, this is for the ladies…but the feel of soft silk against your skin will help wake up those sensuality nerve endings. And who knows what will happen when that happens?

27. Re-create your favorite sexy scene in a movie. You know the ones — the lobster scene in Flashdance. The ice scene in 9 1/2 Weeks. Mena Suvari’s cheerleading routine in American Beauty, Clark Gable carrying Vivien Leigh up the stairs in Gone With the Wind, the pottery scene in Ghost, the part in The Bridges of Madison County when Meryl Streep and Clint Eastwood dance in her kitchen. Whew!

28. Create a romance playlist for him (or her). Have it playing when your partner returns home. Light a few scented candles while you’re at it. Who knows what might ensue?

29. Tell your partner two things you love about him/her every day. Love, affection, and mutual respect are the bases for a steamy sex life.


30. Do something physical together, like skiing, a long country walk, a stroll along a beach, canoeing. Such activities let you see one another in a different light, creating a sense of physical vitality that readily translates into intimacy.

Is that exercise bike in your bedroom gathering dust? You can still turn the room into a fitness haven – but forget the bike and head straight to bed: Having vigorous sex can burn off about 130 calories per half hour. You can burn off two kilograms a year with 135 lovemaking sessions – that works out to 2.6 times a week.

And there are other health benefits to habitual sex: British researchers who examined 914 middle-age men over 20 years found that frequent sex might help the heart. Moreover, results from a study in the Journal of the American Medical Association suggest that frequent ejaculation may be related to a lower risk of prostate cancer.

So for the sake of your waist and heart – not to mention a few other body parts – consider the horizontal workout. After all, it’s a lot more fun than heading to the gym.   

Got an itch? It seems genes and gender help determine the impulse to scratch it. A Canadian study on pruritus (itching) is the first to show sex differences in itch-induced scratching behaviour.

The researchers used chloroquine and histamines to produce itching in mice, but they say the findings could apply to humans and other mammals. The conclusion: Females scratched themselves 23 per cent more often than males did.

Get active. Releasing feel-good endorphins through exercise can help put you in the mood. And the extra flexibility and muscle endurance that results from a regular fitness routine? Call it an added bonus in the bedroom.

Read steamy novels to loosen you up.  Try anything with romance to get the imagination flowing.

Tank up on zinc-rich foods. Zinc is linked to sex hormone levels and can be found in strawberries, raspberries, beans, nuts – and, of course, oysters.

Drop a few kilos. Too much body weight can lower self-esteem and lead to conditions that dampen sex drive and performance. Body fat can also bind to sex hormones, and clogged arteries can reduce blood flow where it counts.

Count aphrodisiacs in. Although there is no scientific data to support the prowess-building powers of potions, simply believing in the folklore will often trigger a libido lift.

She was 17, coasting through her senior year in high school, when the breakup came.Her boyfriend, who had pledged his love forever, decided forever had arrived. She spent hours in her room in inconsolable grief. She picked at her food. She fell behind in her schoolwork. On a scale of one to ten, the pain was 100.

Her mother was familiar with the amplified emotions of youth. Still, she couldn’t fathom her daughter’s heartbreak. Timidly she began asking leading questions: Why was this guy so special? Had they been … intimate? One day, the girl blurted, “Yes, Mom, I had sex with him.” The two, it turned out, had been having intercourse for more than a year, finding opportunity at his empty house after school. Her mother couldn’t bring herself to tell the girl’s father.

Could this be you? The latest government figures say 63 percent of high school seniors have had sexual intercourse. And surveys show that about four in ten sexually experienced teen girls say their parents don’t know. How could they, when a third of all teens say a parent has never discussed sex candidly with them?

“Parents are like ostriches sometimes,” says Claire Brindis, an adolescent health expert at the University of California, San Francisco. “They bury their heads in the ground and say, If I don’t recognize it, it won’t happen.”

But happen it does. In December, 16-year-old Jamie Lynn Spears, popular with young fans of Nickelodeon’s Zoey 101, revealed she was pregnant. That news closely followed the announcement by CDC officials that in 2006 teen pregnancy rates rose for the first time in 15 years. Add the box office success of the movie Juno, a PG-13 tale about a pregnant high school student, and parents have plenty of fresh reasons to make sex a topic of household conversation.

When children shroud their behavior in secrecy, they lose open, caring connections to adults who can help them make thoughtful decisions. These connections are especially important in matters of sex, since the stakes are high and sex seems ubiquitous in the popular culture.

Gone are the days when it was racy for Barbara Eden to bare her midriff on I Dream of Jeannie. Today, almost eight in ten prime-time shows contain sexual content, with an average of nearly six sex-related scenes per hour. One Kaiser Family Foundation analysis found that — at a time when provocative styles blur the lines between child, adolescent and adult — most of what’s in popular teen magazines aimed at girls focuses on appearance, fashion and dating.

Says Sarah Brown, CEO of the National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy, “Teenagers are under a lot of pressure to be sexually active.” Nationwide polling by the group has found most boys believe sexual activity is expected of them as teens, and most girls believe attracting boys and looking sexy are among the most important things they can do.

This cultural ideal is potent, says Natasha Ramsey, an 18-year-old editor at Sex, Etc., a teen-produced magazine and website based at Rutgers University. If teens become convinced that sex among their peers is more common or glamorous than it really is, she says, they may have sex “just so they can feel normal.”

That’s how it was for one New York City girl who says she was drawn to sex at 15, largely to prove her relationship with her first boyfriend (he was older and sexually experienced) was more than a juvenile crush: “I felt I truly did love him.”

Like her, most teenagers don’t view sex lightly. About half of boys and about four in five girls say they have their first sexual encounter while in a steady relationship, according to a 2006 report from research group Child Trends. About one in four has sex once with the first partner.

Yannick LeJacq, 18, another Sex, Etc. staffer, says one concern among high schoolers is “thinking about how they don’t want to be virgins when they go to college.” Torn between external forces pushing them toward sex, and internal forces pulling them back, many end up worried about doing it and not doing it.

That ambivalence may help explain why about two-thirds of teens who’ve had sex say they wish they’d waited. “You really can’t fully understand it,” the New York girl says, “until you make the same mistake.”

Adults can play a major part in resolving this inner struggle. Brown’s anti-teen-pregnancy campaign has found that kids, asked about the most influential voices in their decisions to have sex, rate parents much higher than their peers or the media. Asked the same question, parents underestimate their importance.

Even those who know their power may not know what to say, or how to say it, once their baby becomes a sullen adolescent. They may mentally prepare a quick speech to deliver on the eve of puberty, but the foundation for a child’s behavior is laid down in layers, over time, not built in one night at the dinner table.

“The Talk is not the way to think about this,” Brown says. “It’s really an 18-year conversation.”

Parents need to make themselves “askable” by sharing suitable information as soon as their kids grow curious about love, relationships and their own bodies.

Take Carolyn Davis, who graduated from a Dallas high school last year. From the time she was 12, her mother talked with her candidly about sexuality. “I used to cringe,” Carolyn says. “I would be, like, ‘Mom, can you just not talk anymore?’ She would totally keep going.”

A middle school librarian, Carolyn’s mother has seen the impact early sexual activity has. “I really wanted to save her from that,” says Carol Davis. She doesn’t want her daughter to fear sex as an adult but hopes she won’t view it blithely now. So far, her approach seems to be working.

“I know a girl who had a baby when she was 16 or 17,” Carolyn says. “She doesn’t think further than, What am I going to do next weekend?”

The reasons one teen has sex and another doesn’t are as different as each child, but many who aren’t sexually active come from homes where conversations about sex are clear and comfortable. Sherri Alexander decided early on to discuss sexuality openly in her house.

When her son, Matt, started sixth grade, the Dallas mom rented the raunchy teen-sex comedy American Pie. Then she and Matt watched the whole movie together. “I thought, If I watch this with him,” she says, “then he’ll know, hopefully, he can talk to me about anything.”

She was right. It was weird, Matt says, watching sex scenes while listening to his mother’s running commentary. Yet the high school senior says he now has “an open dialogue with my mom that keeps on going, about anything, including sex.” Above all, he knows his parents expect him not to view sex casually or carelessly.

Matt’s attitude isn’t unusual. While adults may go gray thinking about a pregnant Jamie Lynn Spears or a book like Restless Virgins, last year’s tale of sexual recklessness at an elite boarding school, today’s teens, on the whole, are making better choices than their counterparts did ten years ago. Still, upsetting deviations can rise to urban legend. Parents who worry, for example, about the trendy term “friends with benefits” — something between monogamy and a one-night stand — should know there is little evidence that it’s anything more than a catchy new name for an age-old practice.

In truth, among all high school students, freshmen to seniors, less than half report ever having sex, a big drop from the early 1990s (though even before the CDC’s December announcement, many experts worried that the trend had stalled in recent years). What accounts for the change? Scientists understand less than they’d like. “It’s what everybody wants to know,” says Dr. John Santelli, an adolescent health expert formerly with the CDC.

For starters, today’s teens make up the first generation born and raised under the specter of AIDS. Pregnancy has also become less socially acceptable in many circles. And, some experts say, access to more information makes for better choices.

Those who aren’t having sex, meanwhile, are more open about their choice. Brooke Johnson, who is active in Texas’s taxpayer-funded Virginity Rules abstinence campaign, says that when she first joined the program, in junior high, some kids teased her. Now, as a senior, “I really don’t get a negative response anymore.”

But she worries about peers who pin their hopes on romances held together largely with sex. “The signal to kids from the media is that you have to find that special someone,” she says. “You can’t let that loneliness push you to the point where you’re, like, The only way he’ll stay around is if I have sex with him.”

That’s where a parent’s voice has power. While it’s normal for children to reject their families as they grow into adulthood, Natasha Ramsey, the Sex, Etc. editor, believes parents “should really try to talk to their child, not necessarily to find out whether their child is having sex but to find out what their child thinks about having sex.” In the end, no matter how much they fidget or roll their eyes, teens want to know someone will find them even when they become hard to reach.

Oral Sex: Hype vs. Facts

The lurid theory that fewer teens are getting pregnant because they’re substituting oral sex for intercourse isn’t backed by facts. “The perception in the media and the culture has been that there’s this explosion of oral sex,” says Columbia University public health expert Dr. John Santelli. Not true, he says. Of those ages 15 to 17, 44 percent of boys and 42 percent of girls say they’ve had oral sex. Data from 1995 (the earliest available) to 2002 show almost no change in the figure for boys. Long-term data for girls doesn’t exist, but Santelli has seen no evidence of an increase.

Follow these tips when discussing sex with your kids, and you’ll help them make wise choices.
1. Don’t panic. If events in the media or real life push the topic up front, don’t overreact.

2. Don’t lecture. Rather, ask questions to gauge attitudes.

3. Ditch the Talk. One quick, awkward chat won’t do. Start a conversation instead.

4. Communicate your values. Kids need to know parents’ beliefs.

5. Pay attention to the media children consume. Your influence matters, but know what you’re up against.

1. Can love really last a lifetime? Absolutely — but only if you chuck the fairy tale of living happily ever after. A team of scientists recently found that romantic love involves chemical changes in the brain that last 12 to 18 months. After that, you and your partner are on your own. Relationships require maintenance. Pay a visit to a nursing home if you want to see proof of lasting love. Recently I spoke to a man whose wife of 60 years was suffering from advanced Alzheimer’s disease. He came to sit with her every day and hold her hand. “She’s been my best friend since high school,” he told me. “We made a promise to stick together.” Now, that’s a love story.

2. Why do married folks begin to look like one another? Watch any two people who like each other talking, and you’ll see a lot of mirroring. One smiles, and so does the other. One nods or raises her eyebrows, and so does the other. Faces are like melodies with a natural urge to stay in sync. Multiply those movements by several decades of marriage, all those years of simultaneous sagging and drooping, and it’s no wonder!

3. Can a marriage survive betrayal? Yes. It takes time and work, but experts are pretty unanimous on this one. In her book The Monogamy Myth, Peggy Vaughan estimates that 60 percent of husbands and 40 percent of wives will have an affair at some point in their marriages. That’s no advertisement for straying — but the news is good for couples hoping to recover from devastating breaches of trust. The offended partner needs to make the choice to forgive — and learn to live with a memory that can’t simply be erased. Infidelity is never forgotten, but it can gradually fade into the murky background of a strong, mature marriage.

4. Why does summer zoom by and winter drag on forever? Because context defines experience. As Albert Einstein once said: “When you are courting a nice girl, an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder, a second seems like an hour.”

5. Do animals really have a sixth sense? Or seventh or eighth! A box jellyfish has 24 eyes, an earthworm’s entire body is covered with taste receptors, a cockroach can detect movement 2,000 times the diameter of a hydrogen atom — and your dog’s sense of smell is up to 100,000 times greater than yours (some dogs have been known to smell human cancers). It’s safe to say that animals experience a much different world than we do.

6. Why does the line you’re in always move the slowest? Because you’re late for your kid’s band practice, and you curse your luck and envy those speeding by. Conversely, when you’re in the fast line, unfettered by stress, you don’t even notice the poor schlubs in the slow lane. Good luck rarely commands one’s attention like bad luck. (See answer on buttered toast, “The Ultimate Test,” below.)

7. By what age should you know what you want to do with your life? Any moment now. This used to be a question the young asked. Now it’s a quandary for baby boomers. The Bureau of Labor Statistics reports that younger boomers have abandoned the American ideal of picking a job and sticking with it. Between the ages of 18 and 36, these boomers held an average of 9.6 jobs. That’s a lot of exploration. The wisdom of elders in all cultures seems to be this: There’s nothing to do with a life but live it. As Gandhi pointed out, “Almost anything you do will be insignificant, but it is very important that you do it.”

8. Where do traffic jams come from? Scientists are hard at work on this one, studying computer models of the physics of gridlock and inventing all new traffic-light algorithms. Some of them postulate that the rhythms of automobile traffic are influenced by the same cyclical forces that cause waves in the ocean. For the average commuter, though, it may be helpful to think of it this way: congestion. There are just too many darn people trying to do the same thing at once. (Flush every toilet in a single office building simultaneously, and see what happens.) All of this by way of saying: Buy a newspaper, load up some favorite tunes on your MP3 player, and take the bus.

9. When is your future behind you? When you stop chasing dreams. So don’t stop!

10. Do you have to love your job? No. Love your children, your spouse and your country. Love your parents, your neighbor and your dog. Loving is too important an emotion to attach to the way you make a living. But it’s OK to strive for satisfaction. According to a recent Harris Poll, across America 59% of workers say they are extremely, somewhat or slightly satisfied with their jobs, but a depressing 33% feel as if they’ve reached a career dead end. If you’re among the latter and thinking about a new job, consider the fact that employees in small firms said they felt more engaged in their work than did their corporate counterparts.

11. Can a man and a woman ever just be friends? For a short time perhaps. Making the friendship last requires that you find each other at least vaguely repulsive. Good luck!

12. When do you take away Grandpa’s car keys? Twenty-two states currently require frequent testing for senior drivers. The American Medical Association and the AARP, however, say safe driving has more to do with functional ability than age. True, seniors are more at risk for reduced vision, hearing loss and impairments associated with arthritis — but all of these conditions depend on the individual. So when it seems to you that Pop is becoming a danger to himself and a danger to others, tell him straight. Point out that his reactions have slowed or his judgment is losing its edge. Suggest he not drive anymore. Be firm, but at the same time, don’t treat him like a child. Allow him his dignity. Offer him a ride.

13. Do siblings who fight really end up liking each other? I surveyed my older sisters, both of whom have vivid memories of how I tripped, pummeled, and whacked them with various large plastic dolls (hey, they started it — they teased me!), and both confirmed my suspicion that nowadays they like me just fine. I sure like them. All the experts will tell you that fighting among siblings is normal. The key is how parents handle it. Rule No 1: Don’t take sides. Never get into a discussion of who started what or what is more fair. Stop fights with a time-out for all offenders. My mother would send us to separate rooms. So we invented string phones and a pulley system to transport necessary treats and toys. And whatever we were fighting about was forgotten.

14. How do you know when to end a friendship? As soon as you get that sneaking suspicion that it never really began.

15. Why do we turn into our parents when we swore we wouldn’t? Because really, when all is said and done, we admire them.

16. Can a half-empty person become a half-full person? A current theory is that people have an “emotional set point.” Some folks are just made happier than others. Pessimists will see this as bad news, believing it really doesn’t matter what you do — they are never going to be any happier. But there is hope — as any optimist will see! Happiness has more to do with how you construe the events in your life than the actual events themselves.

17. When do kids become adults? Biologically, it’s happening earlier; emotionally, it seems to be happening later. Nowadays puberty occurs in females between ages 8 and 14, between 9 and 15 in males. A generation ago, when you turned 18, you were out the door and on your own. Now we see kids in the Boomerang Generation coming home to Mom and Dad after college, hoping for a hand with bills, laundry, meals and other responsibilities of adulthood. It’s cute for a while, less adorable the older the kid gets.

18. Can a mother be friends with her teenage daughter? No. Most teens aren’t ready for anything close to a mature friendship. According to current research, the brain continues to develop into a person’s 20s. Mothers often want to befriend their daughters; fathers, their sons. But this is not in anyone’s best interest. Teenagers need to form identities distinct from their parents. That means: lots of privacy, even some secrets. It’s usually easier for a teenage girl to befriend the friend of her mother, and it’s usually best for the mother to leave it at that.

19. Does money really buy happiness? No. Because happiness isn’t for sale. Many people get tripped up by this one, amassing wealth only to find themselves cycling into a bottomless pit of unsatisfiable yearning. Turns out, joy and misery are not that far apart when it comes to very big wads of cash. Consider the case of a Kentucky couple who won $34 million in 2000. Thrilled to be released from the demands of their boring old jobs, they frittered their fortune away on fancy cars, mansions, all the usual stuff — losing everything that mattered in the process. They divorced, he died of an alcohol-related illness, and she died alone in her new house just five years after cashing the winning ticket. When it comes to happiness, only people you love, and who love you, can bring it. If you have enough dough to buy yourself a luxurious yacht, but no real friends to sail with, you’re sunk.

20. Can spenders and savers stay married? Sure — and they won’t run out of things to talk about either. Disagreements over money are a leading cause of divorce, so experts advise lots of work around this issue if, financially speaking, you’ve found yourself married to your opposite. Tip: Always talk in terms of “ours” instead of “mine” or “yours,” and work your strengths. The saver should be allowed to draft the budget; the spender gets to be in charge of vacations, celebrations and ordering extra toppings on the pizza.

21. Is money the root of all evil? No. Greed is. Elvis nailed this one when he said, “Sharing money is what gives it its value.”

22. What do you do if you see a parent berating a child? Cringe. Take a deep breath. If you truly believe you can help the situation, approach as someone showing sympathy — not as an accuser or member of the parent police. Empathize with the overstressed parent. Suggest that he take a deep breath. Tell him it worked for you.

23. Why is it so hard to say you’re wrong? Because it often involves saying, “I’m sorry,” which is even harder. Throughout history people have found it easier to stop speaking to one another, punch, slander, shoot and bomb rather than apologize. Tip: Next time just say, “Whoops,” and see what happens.

24. When should you reveal a secret you said you wouldn’t? It’s a matter of damage control. Is the person who asked you to keep the secret in danger of hurting himself or others? If so, intervene. Otherwise, mum’s the word.

25. Does the toast really always fall buttered-side down? Scientists in the Ask Laskas Kitchen conducted a study for which they first toasted an entire loaf of bread, one slice at a time. They buttered each slice, and dropped it from a variety of heights ranging from tabletop to ceiling. Among their findings: A dropped piece of toast never lands on its edge; stomping your foot and yelling “Darn!” does not change a thing; and the floor in the Ask Laskas Kitchen is not nearly as clean as we’d like. Well, life’s like that. Never as neat as you’d like it to be. But keep buttering your toast. And savor every slice you’ve been given.